look what the cat dragged in

well look what i got myself into again
monday afternoon i went to see this eye specialist who told me i had cornea abrasions, they hurt like hell btw, and allergies so i'm gonna be in need of some heavy eye drop medication thing thing.
doc gave me a patch to wear til today and i'm gonna see him again later to have coffee and talk about the latest movies.
in all seriousness, i'm getting my patch down today and i should be a-okay soon!
this eye patch has really gotten alot of people staring..
they think i'm some ah lian who got herself socked in the eye for speaking very bad english.
the cheek.
well, any publicity is good publicity, i guess

of course when i'm rich and famous they'd better think otherwise muahaha


i was trying to be happy despite my circumstances

ahh lemme wallow in my self pity for a while.

& its so sad that i can't even cry at myself because the doctor said the tears would wash the meds away.

yeah i think i'd make a good pirate next time.

ahoy mateys!

hope you had a good laugh at my misery now

at least someone's happy

well i'm gonna get some lunch and then it's off to the cold air-conditioned eye specialist!

p.s:

i can't imagine how my eye doc can stand to be an eye speacialist.

like, seeing people with eye infections and eye sores and what nots aren't bad enough.

i scare myself everytime i look in the mirror at my eye sores.

but then again, if there weren't doctors like him,

i would have never been properly taken care of.

like i said, i am contradictionary.

you still have to love me *evil laugh*

o levels are almost over

so like recently i've been feeling rather........
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emotionless.

nono i'm not implying that i do not feel anything anymore, that i'm just an empty shell with no meaning in life or who trys to stab herself but don't feel the pain blah blah

no, i feel.. at a loss.
it's sort of an empty feeling actually
like, after O levels are over
there's suddenly nothing important to work for now.
no goal.
no mugging through the night to rush all revisions (at least for now)
it's as though while i'm waiting for the results,
the whole world has stopped.

yeah it's a really curious feeling..
nothing bad or sad or suicidal or depressing.
just a strange hollow feeling.
like all this while i've been slogging rather hard for Olevels and now that it's over,
there's a whole big part in me just wondering the same thing.



what's next?



i wake up every morning asking myself what i have to do for the day
and it's pretty much...

...nothing.

sure there's shopping, outings, movies, jobs and a whole lot of fun frivolous things for me to do but i wanna do something meaningful for a purpose, you know?

and now as i await the O level results
i have so soo sooooo sooooo sooooooo much time to think through what i intent to pursue after my secondary school education and this has left me with another big question mark. i know i keep saying that i want to get into mass comm no matter what but i think the main issue here is whether i have what it takes to get in.
or not.
urgh see that's why i don't like having too much time on my hands.
my mind will start to work itself overtime and i'll come up with revelations i'd never knew existed -.-
i know i sound contradictory.
as i used to really love to spend the hols away with leisure and ease..
but that's cause i am lol
anyway i was saying that this werid feeling that i have inside of me now is so queer as suddenly i'm thinking about the future and understanding that i should never take the present for granted and about my capabilites that are needed to survive in this dog-eat-dog world.

i know i'm suddenly complex haha
i bet some of you had always thought i was a bimbo or the sort.
well FYI, i do have my intellectual moments!
maybe not now but you get the idea :)

well this post is just a spreadsheet of my thoughts and rather pathetic explanations of my emotions and i know that it's neither here nor there and is quite incoherent but please don't blame me..

i'm just a teenager, afterall.
a teen who's trying to find her place in this world

but i know that i have a place in heaven already so terror of the night, you can try to attack me in my dreams but i will not be afraid anymore as i am a child of God and He will never let you harm me.

p.s. i keep saying 'i know' in this post because i guess i'm maturing now and i realise much more things then i use to..
I KNOW, just one of the perks of being a teen.