where i can just be myself;

EDIT: I TYPED THIS ENTRY OUT ON 20TH JULY, NOT SURE WHY I DIDN'T POST IT BUT I JUST SAW IT AND DECIDED TO POST IT NOW LOL.

dear diary,

it's prolly been a while since i've last told you how i was.
so many things! i just don't know where to start.

omg yes, there was this traumatic incident that happened. and it just reminded me how perverse the world is now. thank God he who is in me is stronger than he who is in the world. seriously. just when i thought it was over. but it's just like what celia said i guess? and i wished i had kicked the guy in the nuts where it'll hurt most. or like laughed at him in his face. that reminds me, i've to get pepper spray. for my safety, russel, not cors i enjoy using it on people!
don't worry, i'm pretty much fine now. but it's so sad to know that my years of learning tae-kwan-do failed me in such a time.

oh and! i went for this block party thingy and woah,
GSE is one of my personal fave band now!
i think WGB too.
lol and field?


right anyways, my days've been kinda filled up recently.
CORS ALL MY DEADLINE SUBMISSONS ARE IN TWO WEEKS OR LESS
so i really gotta plan my time properly now.
like to the exact hour. to the exact minute.
6:23am -wake up.
6:24am- lie in bed amd stretch.
6:25am- think of my day, and commit it to God.
6:26am- still praying
6:27am- still praying
6:28am- still praying
6:29am- still praying
6:30am- sit on bed, do i really have to wake up now?
6:31am- okay 5 more mins.
6:32am- zzzz

no that won't do!
i'm talking about how to plan my time effectively and i'm wasting time doing this plan!
okay i should list things according to priority then.
i'd prolly write it in my planner later.


well i had this dream some time ago, weird weird dream. lol
almost scary.
i dreamt i had an arranged marriage, to this guy whom i don't really wanna spend 20mins with, let alone my whole life.
remember my mid-life crisis where i thought an arranged marriage was prolly better for the world?
well i'm taking it back right now!
i think it wont be better!
and i don't wanna marry that guy!
so say no to arranged marriage, and premartial sex!
i remember i put this on my msn nickname once and people were asking
i put 'SAY NO TO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!' or something like that. haha
back when i was young.
i kinda miss the old days, at times.
but yeah, the present days are just getting better and better :D
and i'm sure the future will just keep getting better and better-er!
though, i sometimes still fear the unknown.

like, what's gonna happen to me 10 years from now?
will i be happy?
will i be successful?
will i still be on fire for Him?
sometimes, i get scared when i think about it.
have you felt like that b4?
i know that our lives are in His hands and so we needn't worry,
but i just can't stop myself from worrying about it at times.
and when people talk to me about what i wanna be in the future, i put on a great front and list all my dreams and visions. and i talk like i'm so sure of my future. when i'm 5% still fearful of what's to come. and no, i don't know what's my future gonna be like though, just little revelations here and there that God has shown me, but the rest of my life?
yes, truth's out.
i'm not always that secure.
i'm not always full of faith.
but that's why i need God my whole life. cors he'll give me the security i need, and the faith that'll overflow.
and! with mom and dad, i'm blessed, i have to say.

oh guess what!
i never thought i'd really go for branded goods and the works,
but i'm in love with the it bag of the moment,
miu miu coffer bag! the one in ivory is my fave! actually black's pretty too. hm. ivory or black? i'm thinking.. ivory! no no wait, black! or.. ivory?

ah i just went on and on and on and on.
gotta go get ready for later!
btw, playing dress-up is the 2nd fun-est thing to do!


signing off,
felicia.

jimble jamble

christmas list: wacom tablet!
so i can doodle more like the above lol
but i don't know, i've never wanted gadgets.
like i don't find much need to own an ipod or a digital cam cors i'd rather spend my money on clothes and food BUT a wacom is too fun to resist!
it gives me so much freedom to express myself and all. seeing as how i don't even find the need to buy a mouse for my mac. yes i bet you're shaking your head at what a technology-less mouse i am.



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my dad and i had this conversation in the car after he'd pick me up from dance.

me: dad! COE is only 2 bucks! let's buy a new car! (after all, who can say no to cheap stuff right!)
dad: yeah i know! i was checking out those family cars that day.
me: so! let's buy cars!

so we discussed the different types of cars we could buy.

me: buy a van ah, save money. then we put plastic cars with seat belts in the back.
dad: but inspection time got to take out
me: that'll be the least of our problems, i think.

and.

dad: even better, let's buy a mini bus. it'd be great during CNY when we need to pick mama and yeye up.
me: oh yeah omg that's so cool! haha then you pick me up in a mini bus in sch and people will try to get up too.
dad: but the bad thing is it can't speed.
me: oh. and imagine if you wait for me in clementi and some old woman tries to board.
me: oh that can be your part time job heh!

okay i've this theory. (i actually have a lot of theories lol just ask me about them one day)
when you want to buy a car, buy a cab instead!
and here you all flabbergastedly ask why.
here's why!

you can drive around to your destination and put the 'busy' sign.
then if you're bored or need a bit of cash, just drive around and pick a few people up and voila!
you won't waste your life away and you get some pocket money too.

buy a cab, today!




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now whenever i'm bored/ want to make a point/ listen to catchy beats/ real bored/ restless/ anything, i snap my fingers!
i can snap my fingers now, finally!
so lol i abuse my power and snap my fingers around people.. and then they snap their fingers back at me and theirs sound way more solid. -.-

list of things i now can do!
1) snap my fingers, duh :D
2) swallow a panadol pill whole! (most of the time)
3) eat a portion of my vegs
4) drink milk and not get a stomach ache ( i used to be a tad bit lactose-intolerant)
5) arch BOTH eyebrows

to each his own okay, stop laughing at me just cors i seem slow in my development or whatevs!




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next time when i get married and am a mom,
i want to be just like my mom!
she can get excited over grocery shopping, it's adorable!

mom: we're home from ntuc! and look what i brought!
me: huh?
mom: *walks over and pulls out a bag* tadah! look at this bargain! (it's the bliss yogurt drink thing and you buy 2 you get a pink cooler bag)
me: oooooh wow. *gets a bit infected with my mom's enthusiasm*
mom: and look! *pulls out seventeen magazine for me*
me: yay :D
mom: *poses in her pink cooler bag for a while then walks bouncily to the kitchen*

okay don't tell my mom i said this yeah?
even though she is the coolest, cutest and goodest mom ever!




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lastly lastly-

it's awesome beyond awesome to be in a christian family household cors whenever you can just share your faith and all that, y'know?
cors recently i was experiencing heart pains and was complaining to my parents ah. then the pain came back after a while when we were watching grey's anatomy and i was trying to twist my arm and doing practically anything to soothe the pain when my mom suddenly placed her hand on me and started praying for healing. soon after my bro placed his hands on me and joined in the prayer. after that we smiled and then continued watching tv.


thanks God for my friends and family especially <3

Flow

As i go through life right now,
so many things that are happening, so many things that life is throwing at me.
so many til' i just want to crack.
and just when i'm about to cave in,
i remember about the most important thing i can do;

Pray.

Prayer is a privilege given to us. it's our only means of communication to our Heavenly Father, the time where we are in fellowship with Him, the time when we go to Him for help, the time when we just need a friend to share our burdens with.

I remember when i first started regularly attending church again, we would have prayer focus and prayer conferences weekly. i wasn't used to praying aloud or praying in a group. boy, it really used to scare me. i must admit, i used to dread going for these prayer meetings but at the same time i didn't want to miss any praying session. what was i so afraid of? myself. i was afraid that i may say the wrong things and that people may laugh. or that my prayer wasn't as strong and powerful as my friend's. i was afraid to make mistakes, i was so afraid that it hindered me from expressing my true self, the things that i'd wanted to say in my prayers, they became prayers to please men- not God.

But slowly i learnt how to pray, i gained the confidence to begin praying out loud in prayer meetings. i begun praying in short prayers, but at least i know the prayer comes from my heart this time. soon, prayer became part of my lifestyle. queit time, church and anywhere really.

And i found it so true, that prayer really works. God really answers prayers.
In this messed up and chaotic place, it's the only thing we can really count on.

'Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!'





He's up there, hearing us. :)



p.s: i wrote this post a few weeks ago, never really got a chance to properly post it up.

whooooooo

i want to love

like how my parents love me.

no matter what, they'd always be there for me.
at the end of the day, after i'm back all tired out;
there they will be, waiting for me to come home. waiting to unlock the gate for me, waiting to shower me with hugs and kisses.

that's really just what i need at night, when i'm all stressed or sleepy or feeling bad about myself, their love just breaks through the cold air to warm my heart. their hugs crush every negative feeling i have inside.

their love is the example of how Abba Father's love is to me.
at the end of my day, i know i can go to Him, where He'll pour out His love to me, to fill me again.
so i overflow,
and His love reaches the people around me.
and so i love.

"I love, because You first loved me. My first joy, the world can never take from me."


i have this deep and assuring love that rushed into my heart, just thinking about my Heavenly Father and parents.
i want to share this, i want everyone to feel this security, this peace in their hearts through a storm.


because only love can give you such comforting warmth when it's raining out.
love and hot cocoa, that is. :)





hey chia lynn. ;)