where i can just be myself;

EDIT: I TYPED THIS ENTRY OUT ON 20TH JULY, NOT SURE WHY I DIDN'T POST IT BUT I JUST SAW IT AND DECIDED TO POST IT NOW LOL.

dear diary,

it's prolly been a while since i've last told you how i was.
so many things! i just don't know where to start.

omg yes, there was this traumatic incident that happened. and it just reminded me how perverse the world is now. thank God he who is in me is stronger than he who is in the world. seriously. just when i thought it was over. but it's just like what celia said i guess? and i wished i had kicked the guy in the nuts where it'll hurt most. or like laughed at him in his face. that reminds me, i've to get pepper spray. for my safety, russel, not cors i enjoy using it on people!
don't worry, i'm pretty much fine now. but it's so sad to know that my years of learning tae-kwan-do failed me in such a time.

oh and! i went for this block party thingy and woah,
GSE is one of my personal fave band now!
i think WGB too.
lol and field?


right anyways, my days've been kinda filled up recently.
CORS ALL MY DEADLINE SUBMISSONS ARE IN TWO WEEKS OR LESS
so i really gotta plan my time properly now.
like to the exact hour. to the exact minute.
6:23am -wake up.
6:24am- lie in bed amd stretch.
6:25am- think of my day, and commit it to God.
6:26am- still praying
6:27am- still praying
6:28am- still praying
6:29am- still praying
6:30am- sit on bed, do i really have to wake up now?
6:31am- okay 5 more mins.
6:32am- zzzz

no that won't do!
i'm talking about how to plan my time effectively and i'm wasting time doing this plan!
okay i should list things according to priority then.
i'd prolly write it in my planner later.


well i had this dream some time ago, weird weird dream. lol
almost scary.
i dreamt i had an arranged marriage, to this guy whom i don't really wanna spend 20mins with, let alone my whole life.
remember my mid-life crisis where i thought an arranged marriage was prolly better for the world?
well i'm taking it back right now!
i think it wont be better!
and i don't wanna marry that guy!
so say no to arranged marriage, and premartial sex!
i remember i put this on my msn nickname once and people were asking
i put 'SAY NO TO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!' or something like that. haha
back when i was young.
i kinda miss the old days, at times.
but yeah, the present days are just getting better and better :D
and i'm sure the future will just keep getting better and better-er!
though, i sometimes still fear the unknown.

like, what's gonna happen to me 10 years from now?
will i be happy?
will i be successful?
will i still be on fire for Him?
sometimes, i get scared when i think about it.
have you felt like that b4?
i know that our lives are in His hands and so we needn't worry,
but i just can't stop myself from worrying about it at times.
and when people talk to me about what i wanna be in the future, i put on a great front and list all my dreams and visions. and i talk like i'm so sure of my future. when i'm 5% still fearful of what's to come. and no, i don't know what's my future gonna be like though, just little revelations here and there that God has shown me, but the rest of my life?
yes, truth's out.
i'm not always that secure.
i'm not always full of faith.
but that's why i need God my whole life. cors he'll give me the security i need, and the faith that'll overflow.
and! with mom and dad, i'm blessed, i have to say.

oh guess what!
i never thought i'd really go for branded goods and the works,
but i'm in love with the it bag of the moment,
miu miu coffer bag! the one in ivory is my fave! actually black's pretty too. hm. ivory or black? i'm thinking.. ivory! no no wait, black! or.. ivory?

ah i just went on and on and on and on.
gotta go get ready for later!
btw, playing dress-up is the 2nd fun-est thing to do!


signing off,
felicia.