a superhuman is still a human; just someone really really super.

i told my parents that this year didn't feel like chinese new year.
that the excitement and mood is gone.
and that i'm not really looking forward to it much.


is it just me, or does this chinese new year celebration seem like another celebration, but nothing too impacting to be mentioned much? like helping my mom put in the clean and crisp notes into the ang baos, like eating bak kwa or like deciding what to wear for chinese new year, doesn't seem all that much fun or important anymore.

maybe it's just me.

i miss the times when i would get rather excited about chinese new year and the reunion dinner. i miss all that. now it just seems like the novelty has faded away. i just wish i could get it back for a while. then maybe i wouldn't feel so dull. it's as though now is the time to grow up, to board a train and reach the other side, only to find out it's not as happy-go-lucky as you thought it would be. and right now as 2009 is going on, my emotions ride on a roller-coaster. oh Jesus, more of You. less of me.


so my dad came into my room just now, talking to me real gently, trying to find out why i'm not happy with chinese new year this year. i got sulky and grumpy, i'll admit, and i just grunted my responses and all. then i complained that i didn't get to buy my proj materials because big bookshop was closed even though the signboard said otherwise. and i insistently wanted thick boards for my proj idea and we didn't have them at home. or so i thought.
my dad prodded around my short responses and figured i felt so moody because of my proj and so he said he'll find me boards and he went and dug around in the store room at 1am and got me a cardboard box. then he gave it to me and said,
"With daddy around, i'll help you, no worry. Now you can do your project already. So, are you feeling better for the chinese new year now?"




i wanted to cry, there and then.