that beautiful insanity

hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *squeal blush giggle* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

okay shut up, fel.

maybe that was just what i needed lol

whooo energizer :D

no lah, not laughing gas >:(

"Don't close your eyes or we'd fade away"

song: Old school, Hedley

life's too short?

i had fun taking the pictures in the middle of the night because my mom bought home a skirt that my aunt has passed to me 'cors she can't wear it no more. look at it! an exposed zip in the middle and it's denim waisted whoooo so i couldn't resist taking a few pictures of it and shawn saw all the behind-the-scenes of my pictures (read: unglam stuff) 

was contemplating bleaching it a bit but nah i like it the way it is now :) thanks aunt i love your hand-me-downs!

i had fun looking at the pictures only to discover the different mirror reflections hehe

i had fun uploading the pictures at total randomness

i had fun relieving the memory as i'm typing this now

have fun

have fun

have fun!

he calls her 'pigeon'

was just watching lady and the tramp.

aww look at that picture, the classic spaghetti part.

good classic, 'nuff said.

heck, it's even better than most animation movies these days.

wow that was a big thing to say becasue i may be in the animation industry next time and well let's just say i'd stick to classic shows with simple and romantic storylines instead of complicated tales of woe and deception and pain and what not. i mean since we have few happy endings in reality why not make the endings happy on shows that we watch?

i don't get why some shows have to be so brutally real sometimes. aren't we escaping reality by watching moving pictures about strange far away places with handsome heroes and beautiful damsels in distress?

Post script

i'm sorry for blaming you

for everything i just couldn't do

and i've hurt myself 

by hurting you.

something i shouldn't forget;

you're just human,

too.

Labels or love

i complied my fave Givenchy shoes and ooh la la eye candies indeed!
i love these lace shoes and that wedge omg i think next time i will purposely save up just for a pair of pretty-making shoes.
if i say yum, will you think me weird?



okay i won't say yum.
but wow don't you love the shoes too!
eh maybe next time guys don't need to propose with diamond rings but ah-mazing shoes like these!
okay i take that back lol i want my diamond ring.

Q: What did cinderella say after she took her photographers and sent them to the photo shop?
A: One day my prints will come.

hehehe kthxbye

p.s-i think i'm feeling better.. thanks all ye concerned friends. i don't feel angry. or too sad. i just feel very practical feelings. like oh it's hot today. oh it's boring i'm so sian. right now i just go like ...... no more outbursts, no more tears. which is worse cors i think i'd rather feel something than feel nothing at all like some robot. i'm not a robot. i'm done being a robot. 

miley cyrus' new song surprised me. i got prejudiced against her because of all that ill wind blowing. but this song.. i can relate to it. lol sheesh i don't even not like her now. all because of one song. yeah i'm easily satisfied but hell, at least i'd be happier most of the time right?

lol most of the time. 

i'm human, i'm allowed to cry.

*

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but

I got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going

And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on.

protect thy mind

i just had to share this with all you creative souls :)

"we writers, we kind of have that reputation, and not just writers, but creative people of all genres, it seems that have a reputation for being mentally unstable... but we don't even blink when we hear somebody say this because we've heard this kinda stuff for so long and somehow we've completely internalized and accepted collectively this notion that creativity and suffering are somehow incoherently linked and that artistry, in the end, will ultimately lead to anguish."

we all don't blink when we hear someone in hollywood or in the media industry getting depressed or that they get extreme mood swings like dr jerykll and dr hyde.
but this video gives us something to think about.
we don't always have to be in a pit because we think our best work is behind us.

Life is like an onion;

    you peel off one 

                      layer 

                             at a time

    and sometimes you weep.

up, up and away

all i'll ever have to ask myself is if i've done my best.

and if i have, then will i keep doing my best?

because i'm doing it all for You, not you.

focusing my eyes upwards.

not on the past- because what's done is done.

not on the now- because as i'm typing this, the now has already past.

-from flb

but on the future- the things i do that'll lead to spending eternity with You.

well, just because.

no one likes to be told what to do, no one likes to be constantly told.
because it seems that soon enough, you may kinda forget who you are in the first place. after all that alterations done by people who care for you.
so then i don't know. if they really care, would they keep bossing you around? but they do it cause they love you. can i say no then, because i love myself too?

i've been listening to people who have a louder voice than me, telling me what to do.
all these years.. to please people, i do what they say. i oblige. i shrug it off when people make me sad. i do what people want and expect me to do. because i'm quiet and because i've accepted long ago that people like changing you because it makes them benefit as well. i'm like a mindless robot now. leave me alone for a day and i'll die. are you going to turn around and say that it's my fault for being too easy? you hear, but do you listen?

'hey mom, there's going to be a dance performance and i'm in it!'

'ooh'

'yeah that means i'm gonna be practicing alot. but the actual day is on xx, you wanna come watch?'

'watch what?'

so today i felt this wave of tiredness, because all my life i've done what people wanted. i felt.. dare i say it, rebellious. i felt like doing something bad, something disruptive, something that nobody would ever expect.

i went and jay-walked for 3 consecutive crossings, i kicked a dust bin, i sat on a bench and carved my name and i stuck my tongue out at a cat. it felt strangely.. rewarding.
but they weren't exactly rebellious i know. i won't be thaat stupid to smoke/drink/tatto myself
but it felt goood. not illegal but not legal either.
know what i'm saying?

yeah, me neither.

how peculiar

once in a blue moon
and then, there was once a blue blue sky.
today when i stepped out of the house, i saw..
a blue sky.
not green like seafoam, not grey like rain, not orange with heat.
just blue. light blue, but not too light to see that it was definitely blue and not pink or whatevs blue and white hybrid.

i'd almost forgotten how blue the sky is.
most of the time when the sun shines, i'll be couped up inside a building somewhere doing God knows what and it's all white lights in there.
and i always not look at the sky when i'm out, i fix my head downwards onto people and places.
i was glad to see the clear blue sky today.
so blue and bright that everything looked sparkly.

how strange, that when God created the heavens. He chose blue. imagine if it was a red sky. or yellow. or brown.
but somehow blue seems so right that i cannot imagine other colors when i look up to the bright sky in the day.
how strange, that when we make blue food, the product looks yucky and unappetizing.
but in the sky, blue looks perfect.

i look up into the sky and see blue.
i look down onto my sneakers and i see blue, too.

how strange, am i walking on air then, riding the skies in my blue sneaker that is synonymous to the blue sky?

but then i glance around me and see that i'm still in an mrt and my feet are on the ground.
maybe we should paint the trains blue.

and pretend we're part of the sky. 

the blue sky. 

flying way up high.

Change [cheynj]; verb-

to become transformed or converted.

it's for the better. but tiring.. hey, i'm only human.
i guess i have to just keep holding on..
to not give up..
because we're actually so near to what we're reaching for.

don't give up, felicia. don't let it out of sight.

i just need to let out a sigh.
*exhale*

there, i'm all better.

well spent, this day

tuesday saw us going to chinatown for golden dragon and desserts,



and sungei road for hidden treasures like briefcases and shoes and bags :)




and had awesome rice balls for dinner, and spending time with maddy and stacey and jingying (in the heat lol) was just too awesome :D
sal army next! we are theee bargain bounty hunters!

and jingying came over to clean out the shoes and helped me take pictures to sell off some off my clothes.
part 1 of my 3 part closet. *gasp*





without her, i don't think i could have done it. thanks so much.
website in progress.

and they say we learn something new every day

taken from flb

lmao playing scissors paper stone is never gonna be the same again

change is the first step

i am here to blog about this cool poster i saw!
and am hearing avril lavigne and going to play splat-a-sloth and then b4 bed would be some good qt.

oh yeah, normally during noon while i'm super free and outta things to do (or ahem, procrastinating) i usually switch on my mac. and i'll load up like 3 windows. one for hotmail, one for neopets, one for whatever i feel like looking at that day.
then as i log in to hotmail and clear some 53 unwanted mail, and feed my zafara and collect the daily items and done with whatever i felt like looking at, i would turn on the tv too to maximize my time. after all, i like watching tv- nothing like those talk/cook shows to put you in the mood.
so you see, i have my multi-task system all planned out.

but the thing is,
as i'm watching tv while waiting for my mail to load or the like, my attention goes back to neopets as i play the featured game of the day. which happens to be ice cream attack and yay i love that game! basically what you do is to dodge ice creams and earn points and stay alive. but when it's around the peppermint ice cream stage, i start to lose it and my lives go from 3 to 2 to 1 to... 0. so nevermind i try again. and so it goes again. and ugh okay i'm not so good at this game. i'll play my other fave games and earn neopoints! i don't know what i'm saving up for but well at least i have lotsa money (NeoPoints) in da bank whooo $$$$$.
and i'll be happily playing and suddenly a loud advertisement catches my attention and then i frown at the tv, wonder who is that idiot who turned on the tv but didn't watch it and so i help to switch it off.

anyway about the cool poster i was just talking about 1 sec ago, here it is hahah
just thought i'd share it with you all :)



lol this is too true.

Keeping faith

Father MacReady stares toward the edge of the church's propery. The sun has broken the clouds, reflecting in blue and gold rays like a stock photo on religious paraphernalia. He can remember his mother pulling the car over to sigh at the beauty of a moment like this. "Look at that, Jospeh, she'd say. "It's a Jesus sky."

"Ms. van der Hoven," he muses, still staring off into the distance, "have you ever seen the sun set in Nepal?"
Kenzie follows his gaze to the dazzling palette of the sky. "No, I haven't."
"Neither have I," Father MacReady admits. "But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen."

Sometimes you can't feel Him- the divine superior, the Lord above all things, the Father who promised to be there with you through it all.

But just because you can't see or feel Him, doesn't mean He's not there.

He's always there, watching and protecting us.
Just like the how the sun and moon will always shine on this Earth, you know and you know that He's always there.

Keep the faith

i spy with my little eye, some unfinished d.i.y!

okay so recently with all the free time i had on my hands, i decided to make some stuff!
but gah, i need to learn how to be a good finisher because i might procrastinate and pretty soon all my projects will just go unfinished.
like that apple&pears dress i was making last year. lol and russel's pouch. and my tutu. and oh, the list can goes on.
so anyways with the chilly weather, i decided to make gloves!


(lol i look like a genie. a glove genie)



but with the uncompleted thing, it looked like a hand warmer and i don't mind. but! i shall finish and make it into gloves and stud it and yay can't wait. now to actually do it.

*

next up, an outer coat!
i bought this long dress from haji lane's vintage store a while back and haven't found any use for it so i decided to cut it off to make it into a short-sleeved outer coat thingy cors i'm preparing for sg's heat. i sewed up the sleeve a bit and i shall wear it out soon!


(btw, i diy-ed my pink fur-trimmed clock and mirror. hehe pretty-making, yes?!)

and speaking of cutting things up, i had the sudden urge to do something to my hair and i tried pinning my hair into a new fringe and i quite like this new fringe and might cut it! or or or i'll just wait til it's longer and perm it. we'll see.



*

oh yes! i changed my blogskin! (yeah, finally, huimin. hahah)
haha you could say i diy-ed to this too, seeing as i'm not web encoding savvy-
i'm rather proud of how the new simple skin came out!
i'm a n00bz after all. hope you like it as my as i do :D

lol this is sucha pseudo diy post.

dreams are dreams not reality so wake up before you get too lost, my dear

i have a dream. a dream that i can see in the day.
i dreamt that just for a day, a span of 24 hours, that things would be about me for once.
all about me.

(sounds selfish? but hey this is my dream, go get your own)

from the deepest corner of my heart, that in the special day, people would notice me and the things i do for them.
that people will do my favorite activities and let me have things my way.
that they would be nice to me whether i smile to them or not
most people only love you because of the beneficial things you do for them
so in a way, they're selfish too.

and me, being selfish now, somehow wishes that for once someone would just give and fill me up because i'm getting all tried out from giving and giving. some people just take too much and then they forget to give back.
how long can one keep loving if one doesn't feel loved? my love bank has been withdrawing withdrawing withdrawing.. that it seems like i'm in debt now because my love units are going on to the negative.

but then again i can't forget the people that i really appreciate. that no matter i weary i become from giving, i know that they will expect nothing in exchange for some love that they give. so in a way, i get filled up again.
then i go and the withdrawing continues...
and it seems like the withdrawing outnumbers the deposits.

i know i shouldn't rely too much on humans for love. that i should go direct to the Source.
i know.
now to do it.

i'm trying, really trying. though you can't see it. and then you think i haven't been doing my best when the truth is that i've tried so hard that i might just be bruised all over and am hoarse from all the screaming. maybe that's why i'm so tired most of the time. because i'm constantly fighting this battle and it's like i'm losing but i'm learning how to win with the Saviour on my side. still, it's tiring. but some might see it as an excuse.
maybe i shouldn't really care because what matters is that You see it. but i just can't help get affected by what others think about me. esp when it's the wrong thing.

but it's true what R said, when the battles keep on coming, it's when you get really desperate and you call out and reach out more than you've ever had before, because that's when you know you really need Him.

if no one will listen- kelly clarkson

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think there's enough that you would drown?

No one can tell you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And god, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "Just stay here"

If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still


*
He tells me He will be here still.

sometimes a song really speaks to me in ways no other words can. sometimes when i'm lost for words i find myself singing songs that mean what i'm trying to say. sometimes even in my own time with the Father, the songs contain all the emotions i feel and so i just sing and sing and sing until i've said all there is to say.