vivid;

I'm in a pool of black water. I look around me and I'm surrounded by it.

Black, dirty water. Full of dead things.

The water's too cold, and I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

It's pulling me down, into the abyss of black nothings.

I struggle, and kick and push and tread to stay up but it's almost useless.

I'm growing tired and I'm freezing and I think my legs have stopped moving.

How deep will I go? 

Is there a bottom to this or will I keep sinking, sinking, sinking and fade into black.

Suddenly, a hand reaches out and with all my might, I push myself forward to grab it.

That strong hand is effortlessly pulling me out.

Up, up and up. 

And just like that, I'm out of the water.

I'm.. above.

I'm in a white space now, so white and so pure.

Standing in front of me is my rescuer.

I can't see his face, but I know who he is. 

Like a child would know their father, I know who he is. 

A gentle breeze washes over my body and blows away the remaining rancid black water off my skin.

I've never been so clean.

He sits down and I'm filled with such thanksgiving and glee that I begin to express myself in dancing and in singing. 

I twirl around him, I sing boldly.. And all that I'm focusing on is the smile on his face.

That smile..

It makes me want to keep pleasing him, to keep that beautiful smile on his face.

And so I dance on and sing on as he watches. His eyes never leaving me.

I'm in peace, I'm in joy, I'm liberated :) 

I think I'll go to boston.

I think I'll go to boston.. I think I'll start a new life.. Oh yeah..

Boston.. Where no one knows my name...

No I'm not moving to boston ah, I'm leaving for genting! And somehow the song just came to me. Nice yet sad song. Bittersweet, just like life itself :)

And to think that after I say life is bittersweet, I can still smile digitally. Sadistic. 

But see, people tend to notice only the bitter and not the sweet, most of the time! I'm no exception. However, I've also come to realize that the sweet shall overpower the bitter and that's why the word bittersweet is written like that. 

Bitter first, then sweet. 

So things may seem bitter now, but don't forget that the sweet is on it's way!

I'm going to genting with my bros and mom and it'd be a gr8 getaway :D

Okay though this trip is at an inconvenient time (I'll be missing out on so much!) but I reckon it's my much needed break from the hectic (a bit?) lifestyle I've been having.

And I need the sleep because lately I either can't go to sleep because of dreams or I sleep soundly.. for like 4 hours?

It's not enough, I'm telling you!

Doctor say teenagers must get at least 10 hours of sleep, am I right?

So next time if I'm late for sch, I'll tell my lecturer it's doctor's orders for me to sleep 10 hours and I happen to sleep at 1 am so I can only wake up at 11 am that's why I'm late for the 9 am class but it's the doctor's orders and for my health! And the doctor never specified what time I should sleep so.. 

*looks away and whistles*

*wait I can't whistle*

*but you get what I mean*

Oh dear Lord Almighty, ezekiel is disturbing my mom with his irritating questions about his passport. I'm off to save my poor mom from all that misery. How I can tolerate being in another country with ezekiel is beyond me but then it's love, it must be. And love is mysterious.

(And rather blind,

sometimes. lol)

Jocelyn day, tomorrow!

Felicia Chia

12:44 AM

it's this cool restaurant where they serve seafood stuff

Jocelyn!

12:44 AM

but. i would like them to slice my fish up

Felicia Chia

12:44 AM

think western food

Jocelyn!

12:44 AM

haha

Felicia Chia

12:44 AM

pampered kid!

hahah

i slice for you

i bring knife

Jocelyn!

12:44 AM

HAHAHA

thank you

 

Felicia Chia

12:45 AM

your birthday cake

hehe

Jocelyn!

12:45 AM

oh wow!

Felicia Chia

12:45 AM

put candle too

Jocelyn!

12:45 AM

i have a cake ?

heheheheehehehehe

Felicia Chia

12:45 AM

ya, the sliced fish 

LOL

P.S *HAPPY BIRTHDAY AWESOME CAROL*

DANCE CAMP DANCE CAMP DANCE CAMP 

YAY

ugh I keep sneezing. hope sleep will do my nose some good.

will be gone for (only) 2 days!

don't miss me!

Oh wait, too late..

I think I can already feel it.

Correction!

I think I can already sneeze it.

Life is but a paradox

When I was 16, everyone told me not to be in a hurry to grow up, but to enjoy my growing years.

Now I'm 18 and suddenly everyone's asking me to think about a job and the future.

I'm stuck. I have so many hopes and dreams about my future.. I'd spent 2 years daydreaming and now it's suddenly time to wake up and actually make it a reality. Too fast, way too fast.

I don't know what to do.

Graphic designer/ script writer/ fashion journalist/ magazine illustrator/ sew crocodile bags.

Right, I take it back. I'm not gonna sew crocodile bags. 

I wish there was an in-between job that combined all my talents into that one specific job.

A job that allows me to write and design, a job related to fashion, a job that lets me get hands-on experience. 

Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind working in the post production part of a movie either. 

Oh gr8. I wish I could do 'em all.

Life is ironic in so many ways.

1. When you are young, you can't wait to grow up. But when you're grown up, you wished you were young again.
2. The grass seems greener on the other side but once you get to the other side, you realized it's green with harmful fertilizers anyway.
3. You always want what you can't have.
4. The people mind, don't matter. And the people that don't mind, matter.

And the list could just go on.. 

Life is but a paradox 

&

Paradox is but a life. 

P.S: I had wanted to experiment with film cameras and so I bought a holga and started snapping away but soon after I stopped. This picture was in my last row of pictures taken. It's been what, 6-7 months since I last picked up my holga? My (short) attention span is alarming, tsk. 

(re)Fresh My Life

You know you need to sort out your life when your inbox reaches a steady amount of 2367 unread mails.  

Uh-huh. 

But this;

"Today, I was in the fitting room at Forever 21. I looked in the mirror, worrying that the dress I had on made me look fat. To the right of the mirror, someone wrote 'Don't worry. You're beautiful. :)' It absolutely made my day!"

It sure gives me hope. 

Why FML when you have GMH :D

Of long bus rides, bak ku teh, shopping at jusco, yummy seafood feast, sunset in kelong, danga bay, nostalgic carousel rides, killer fun bumper cars

yesterday was a good day :) 

(Y) 

It's been Feeenomenal.

When you have a dream, 

faith will come through.

And when you have the faith, 

your dream will come true. :)

" Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even know she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?  "

Open up my eyes, I pray. Open up my eyes.

I've been blessed!

9)

You know,

when I was a little girl, I didn't get it.

Once, my parent's friends came over to over house for a visit and I'd just come back from PE class and was all dirty with mud and when the friends saw me, they actually went: 'What a pretty girl!'

I was confused and so I ran into my room and stood at the mirror, analyzing myself.

I looked at my face, my nose my eyes my lips and I tilted my head to see if I was indeed pretty. I remember looking into the mirror and then thinking 'How do you define pretty?' 

I squinted my eyes here and there and looked at my PE clothes. I wasn't pretty, not in that too-loose attire. I was skinny. Hm. I looked back at my face again. My bangs were too short and my eyes a little too big.. I saw some eye bags and well, I didn't think I was pretty. 

I then remember myself going 'Maybe I'm pretty like they said, even if I don't see it.'

But now looking back at that peculiar memory, I realize that people can say pretty much anything.. just because.

Yes, just because.

Just because it sounds nice.

Just because it's only polite to say it.

Just because they want you to be happy.

Just because. 

I think my parent's friend said that comment last time just because it was the right thing to say as my parents invited them to our house. 

See how easy peoples' words flow out of their mouths? 

It's so easy.. too easy sometimes. That makes you really wonder if the words mean anything at all.

Sometimes we make empty promises, sometimes we says things to make things look big, sometimes we say one thing and do another. After all, words are free, aren't they?

I've come to realize, after 17 years of maturing and exploring, that words aren't all that. 

Not us human words, anyway.

But I know that there is One word we can always rely on, we can always trust in. Those words aren't empty promises, they come true, just like He said they would. Those words aren't for talking big, because nothing is impossible for Him. Those words, when said, you can always expect and know that you wouldn't be disappointed. 

So when the One who says these words says: 'Don't be in a hurry. In due time, in due time.'

I stop, ponder and listen.   

How true, I subconsciously go for the end product and I rush through the process that I miss out certain important things. I just want to get the part where His vision has led me to. But hearing those words, I lean back and start to trust Him that really in due time, in due time- it will come to pass. 

After 17 years of maturing and exploring, I know that it will come to pass. :)

The only question is, when? Okay okay, don't hurry. I won't hurry. Nope. Nobody's hurrying. I'm cool. I'm cool. 

-

-

-

*whispers* When ah?

Hold on, baby you're losing it 

The water's high, you're jumping into it

and letting go 

and no one knows

That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might 

   not

      be 

            the  golden  one 

And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone.

I spy with my eye, some UN-CUT DIY

So i took a pair of scissors and started snipping away the collar of my old sch uniform! I saw someone just wearing a collar and then a tie and then a tank top and wow that look was cool (i think it was britney in her 'me against the music' video? lol!) so i've been wanting to get my own collar for a long time, it's just that procrastination keeps taking me over.

Anyway i overcame my procrastination and started up some DIY!

The scissors is like the solution for everything! Seriouslyyyyyy.

Want a new collar necklace thing? Cut from collared tee aka uniform.

Want a toga top? Cut from song & song plain tee.

Yessum i cut a plain tee into a toga wanna see wanna see!

I'll show you anyways so you've no choice hehe

A quick picture because i'm not in the mood to really camwhore my new DIY lol.



Oooh and as i was cutting the collar, i realized the shirt could still be used and worn! Cors without the collar, it looks like a vintage-esque button down shirt eh?




Now i'm starting to get in the mood...
more DIY stuff are brewing in that grey matter they call the brain.

I guess all you need are just some disgusting but cr8ive brain jucie, a pair of scissors, a bout of courage to take the first step and throw in some newt's eye for good luck too lol stir the magic cauldron 7 times a day to praise and then voila! You get some good ol' DIY :D
P.S you can always add in some faith as well because while you're cutting shirts, why not move some mountains too eh? ;)

omg someone slap me please i'm sprouting flaky nonsense -.-

Sometimes we want what we can never have.

credits to shoelust site.

i seriously have a thing for shoes and my very wise friend doreen said today,

we are too poor to have a proper shoe collection.

my dad blames himself for our family's situation. he said that if only my mom had married someone smarter and richer, then maybe we'd be living the good life now.

but then i told him that if my mom had married someone smarter and richer, then i may be poorer in love and foolish in life. and that i'm actually really rich now, richer than he thinks!

because what my dad lacks in financial status, 

he makes up for it in love.

and that,

is priceless.

Job 23:8-10

“I go forward, but he is not there: and backward, but I cannot perceive him: on the left hand, where he does work, but I cannot behold him: he hides himself on the right hand, I cannot see him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold”

To my friends,

We may not feel it yet, but all in due time. All in due time. 
Hold on to the promise.

Day Off

okay not exactly closed
, but the fever made me stay in bed all day though i'm going for work anyway.

been feeling sick recently and it only took be a few long days to realize that i am actually sick.
new resolution of the (mid) year = take care of myself.
i'd prolly photoshop something up to remind myself about that.

and somehow after dance, there'll be a part of me aching.
arms or legs or both.
or my heart, because it's kinda demoralizing to see that i'm not as good yet.

it feels good to just stay home, sip ribena and listen to that wind blowing against the fevered forehead, don't it?

And I look to You

after awesome mrs cho's service on sun, i walked home and snapped away at the lovely blue skies that were quickly turning grey.
the sun was so scorching though, i think i feel a mini sunburn coming on lol
but good thing i wore this dress and had ice cream to cool myself down b4 i melted in the heat.




and this dress, i haven't worn in the longest time!

saw this photo and it sure brings back memories :)

P.S i just had a hair cut from a cool saloon and at first i thought the guys were gay hairdresses cors they really pay attention to your hair and take time to talk to you and are so bubbly. okay well maybe i kinda think most of the bubbly men may be gay because straight guys are dark and brooding and mysterious. okay okay, some?
anyway i love my short hair!
R hun, looks like it'd be a while b4 i can go and perm it haha

Random #1:
(credits to the rightful owner of the pic)
doreen and i both got this! hehe it's pink and pretty glassy and hey, my mom collects them lol so i, the filial and extremely modest daughter bought it for my dear mom :D

Random #2:
a snippet of convo between eze and i.
eze: let's play tai di
me: don't want. play indian poker!
eze: tai di
me: cheat?
eze: no, tai di
me: ooh okay i know, forever 21!
me: i mean black jack, the 21 card game of course.

Random #3:
another snippet of convo between dad and i.
dad: lately my stomach's giving me problems..
me: ouh. how come ah?
dad: don't know leh. but just pain. and keep going toilet.
me: oh. you go toilet?
dad: ya.*gives me a confused look*
me: i mean! you go doctor?

lol what's wrong man my words keep tripping outta my mouth recently

*high five!* nice.

YES!!! I AM THE QUEEN OF TAI DI!
BIG 2!


hahah next time when IR opens i'm gonna be a millionaire hehe

had so much fun playing my my dad and bros that now i've to really rush for work.
A LOT of funny scenarios happened when playing because my dad forgot how to play and he was always constantly blur and it was hilarious i tell you.

here's what happened:

eze puts a K (king) card.
dad puts Q (queen) card.
i was reaching out to put my Ace card when shawn said STOPPPP
and i froze and we all froze.
then we were like what?!
and he pointed to the Q that lay so innocently on the K card, then we looked at my dad who looked so innocent with his deck of cards.
theen we all burst out laughing snd got my dad to withdraw his card.

-----

next:

my dad puts a tai di (2 spades card) down on the pile and so we wait for him to start a new round.
he asked us what he can put down now and we told him anything he wants cors he has to start a new round.
he then put all his cards on the pile and said yayyyyy

LMAO

i laughed so much my sides hurt
oh oh and shawn always ends up in a position where he has a card of 3 and he can't clear that obviously, so that's why he lost lol.

in the end, eze won 2 rounds while i won 5! *show off*
hehe

i am the queen of tai di of the chia family,
bow down to me!

today,

tres emotional day.

my dear maid's contract has ended and so she's off to fly back home.
i don't know why i'm feeling sad because normally i feel nothing much when the other maids come and go.
but i feel as though i've been through much more with Wari, my (not so) current maid.
maybe because these two years have been emotional and i feel the attachment because she's always there when i need her.
and we share those late night talks lol
she has heard me cry in the middle of the night
and i have heard her cry in the middle of the night


and the worse thing is i didn't even get to say goodbye :(
she left when i was using the washroom- i know! what kind of luck is that right?

*

and well my mom threw some of my beloved bags away saying she'll buy new ones but that will be like, never because all the bags that i pick out will either be ugly, over-priced or wait, i have too many bags for my own good so stop buying them bags.
makes no sense but arguing with her never works so i've learnt since young to just let her do what she wants, and i'll deal with the consequences on my own l8r.
so now i'm stuck with the few bags that i never really use.
you think i'm over-reacting because of a few bags but those bags had memories okay! like the one n329 bought for my bday or like my fave 5 bucks bag that i bought with jy.
they're all gone. forever.
i was really filled with indignation because it's easy for my mom to say she'd get me new bags but action speaks louder than words and i know that it may never come to pass so whatev.
fine, maybe i'm a tad bit sentimental.
but my mom said i should let go.
letting go means making room for new things..
what if i don't like the new things and can never find back the same stuff that i want?

*

ANYHOO,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOREEN :)

One tiny thing

i'm supposed to be rushing for my script outline now but i'm stuck because i'm hungry, i'm bored and i'm playing some RPG game on mofunzone. doesn't help that i'm fantasizing finding a cheque of 1,000,000 and then buying over the whole vintage shoe store around beauty world. (digressing, i have to go there to buy my shoes! pronto! but then i'm supposed to save as well so now i can only window shop online to gaze at the shoes that might one day be mine = not helping with my script outline either zzz)

and what am i even doing, blogging while i'm so distracted already!

okay okay after i complete 2 more levels in the RPG game, and after drooling over 2 more pairs of shoes, and after eating my dinner i shall start doing my work properly!

omg and i'm supposed to meet jy and the girls l8r too.
this year, year 2009 i'm really learning what it means to multi-task.
people wish they had 8 hands, i wish for 8 different user accounts in my brain so one of them can play, listen to music, dance, do PRODUCTIVE work, watch charlie and the chocolate factory (!!!), play with marquis and practice my singing too.
and after counting them i realize i only have 7 stuff to do.
okay i'll use up that extra user account in Felicia Chia's brain to learn math again.

ooh willy wonka's on!
wish me luck in my multi-tasking pool hehe

What's not to love?

NYLON magazine is ah-mazing. 

I loove the photographs! Talk about major eye-candies. (no I'm not talking about hot guys lol)

I'm gonna like go get an issue every month!

I've only discovered NYLON so late :X 

Think of all the things I've missed!

*

 

Hot topic makes the coolest colors...

.... and the coolest tees!


Mm what's that I smell?
Another D.I.Y?! *gasps*

okay so maybe i have been using dance as my means of 'escape'.
i have been tryna run away from reality by dancing because at least
when i'm dancing, i'm focused on the dance and not on my worries.
when i'm dancing, all that matters now are the steps, timing, accent, music and the fellow dancers standing beside me.
when i'm dancing, my stress is relieved. i'm shaking it out, sweating it out, letting it all out.

what insecurities? what lawsuit? what responsibilities?

i know that in the studio, i don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not.
i'm not a good dancer and i know that. but at least i try and i see everyone around me trying and that pushes me to dance even more. there is no fear in the studio (okay, maybe a bit lol) and it's almost therapeutic to watch the seniors dance around- and you see how one day if you train hard enough, you too can be as good as them.

and that's why i love going for dance practices.
the feeling's awesome that at the end of the session i just wish things wouldn't end quite so soon.. that maybe if i linger around in the studio for a little while longer.. then i can keep that good feeling within me for just a little while longer.
but i know i can't stay there forever so i slowly trudge my way back home.

in the studio, just dancing or lazing around or doing whatever, i feel like i'm in a bubble.
but like all bubbles, they burst and will fall back to the ground again.

i can't keep running away from the things outside of dance.
how long can i hide in the studio and stay in my own world of dance anyway?

i must face them;
the things i'm running from.

Father, i don't wanna run away from You.
i wanna run back towards You.
and i'm sorry i didn't trust.

just stop and think,

what if one day you wake up thinking it was a normal day..
only.. it's not.
some of your loved ones are missing.
gone, without a trace.
no note to say goodbye, no letter to explain why.

you realize this world is colder without them.
you realize how lonely things can get.
you realize that you have to face the tough times of this world;
alone.

you walk around and you wonder aloud,
'where did they go?'
it's so frustrating you just wanna shout.
and all the answers you wanna know.

then it suddenly dawns upon you like a missing puzzle piece
the friends that you suddenly miss
all had one thing in common-
they're are all of christian belief.

that rapture your friends were talking about;
how one day they would all go up to heaven
and receive the rewards in due time.
while those non-believers, sadly, stayed behind.

so now you know that the time had come,
when Jesus would descent from heaven down.
as the world will soon face its' end
and the left-behinds will face their trials.

if only you knew, if only you believed what your friends tried to tell you
then you, too, would have been spared from the fire.
but then it's too late as what's done is done
by then your friends would already be back home.

*
but lo, it's not too late now
as the world still spins, round and round.
while life is still in favor,

i'm asking you,
will you believe,

in Jesus our Saviour?

marquis ftw!

mac has this zebra picture in their default wallpapers right?


-
-


i present you Marquis, the new and improved version of the zebra


hehehehe

ONE

ordered a pair of shoes online some time ago...

and the shoes have arrived! 

P.S i should ban myself from surfing the net because eventually all the websites i end up looking at are shopping sites and it's not helping when i'm supposed to save.

i have so far not ordered any shoes/heels even though recently i keep having this feeling like i need a new high-heeled shoe y'know?

i admire my self-control lol

okay time to throw those shopping websites out of my window and i'll dig through my wardrobe for old stuff to 're-invent'

here's another short but sweet film for ya to enjoy; The Man Without A Head

(it's as interesting as it sounds ;)

TWO

Marquis, Lion King of the Rock.